What is a Story?Apr 09, 2021
By Ambila Nath
People love stories. We’ve all been brought up on them since we were children, hearing them from our parents, grandparents and family members.
Stories are wonderful; they transform us into a world of laughter, suspense, romance, villains, danger, triumph, sadness, love and more than not, a happy ending. Well, that’s at least what the books always give us - a happy ending.
If we were to look at the story that you are living, what would that consist of?
Well, we create our stories as a result of events that happened to us when we were children which then become rooted into our subconscious minds to form our present life story.
These could be things that shook your world when you were young, such as:
- your parents’ divorce, being abandoned by your mother or father, being in a car accident, or losing your home.
Or, one-off incidents, such as:
- your mother telling you off, you being berated for doing something you did not do, or when you were backstabbed by a good friend, and so many other things.
Or life-changing events in your life, such as:
- an abusive relationship, a highly stressful period, or a painful childhood.
Your story can come from any part of your past to your present and it will shape your thoughts and beliefs about your world and how you think your life should be.
The thing about stories is that ‘every person will remember the same story in a different way.’ A bit like a TV series, where there are so many spin-offs from one story, that each person has their own version they have created through their own beliefs and experiences.
And that’s not all, we don’t just have one story - no, we will have created many sub-stories from our main one - like our love story, money story, childhood story and so on.
Why do you need to know your story?
It is important to note that we have created these stories as a wonderful way to distract us from facing reality; a reality that may be full of pain and sorrow. We are living in a world that we control - the good, the bad and the ugly. As weird as that may sound, it’s true, because in our stories we know how to behave, what our emotions are going to be when something happens that we do not like - we are choosing to be the victim or the victor.
That is why it is important for us to gain awareness so that we do not end up replaying them over and over again without realising that is what we are doing in order to break the pattern of victim-thinking from playing out.
Five steps to release your past from your present
1) Identify a childhood event or episode that left an impression in you.
- when your mother told you off
- when your father scolded you for not scoring full marks in an exam
- When your teacher said you were a lazy, good-for-nothing
- When you failed to get your desired grades at school/college/university
- When you were abandoned by your parents, or when your parents separated.
2) What beliefs or conclusions did you form as a result of that event or episode?
- Event: Being told off by your mother.
- Conclusion: ‘My mother hates me even though I’m her child. I’m undeserving of love.’
- Event: Being reprimanded by your father for not scoring full marks in an exam.
- Conclusion: ‘I disappointed one of the most important people in my life because I couldn’t even do something as simple as score full marks in an exam. I’m a failure; I will always be a failure.’
3) Are the beliefs true?
Challenge your beliefs. Are they true? They might have been true for that one incident, but are they 100% true across all situations throughout time?
Chances are you will find that those beliefs are not true at all. Now as an adult you need to see the situation from both sides of the coin. You probably see that at the time of the incident, the person had stresses of their own and none of that was a reflection on you and what they thought of you.
4) Have you been replaying your different stories?
Review your life since that major event or episode. Have you been re-enacting that story in your life? How and where have you been doing that?
So, for example, a story where you thought that as a result of your mother telling you off that you were unimportant, and others found you unimportant whenever you were ‘ignored’. These conclusions had nothing to do with the incidents and everything to do with the childhood story. Every time you repeat this self-defeating thinking pattern, you are keeping yourself in the victim mode.
5) Unchain your childhood story from your life.
This final step is easy once you recognise that the belief(s) which you formed from that event or episode has been false all along (see Step #3). It’s then about consciously letting go of the story and making a decision to write your life on a clean slate.
If you have trouble unchaining the story from your consciousness, here are some helpful questions for you:
- What did that event or episode mean to you?
- Why are you still holding on to it?
- How can you start letting go of the past?
Forgive yourself by letting go of the past. Many times, we do not let go of something because deep down we blame ourselves for that past incident.
Only by uncovering the self-blame and making a conscious decision to forgive yourself can you start to heal and move on with creating the life you want.
Ambila Nath is a Spiritual lifestyle coach, serial entrepreneur, tarot reader, energy healer and a paid international speaker. She has worked with clients for over 2 decades helping them to build the life that they deserve by finding their life path, gaining self-confidence to just be themselves, starting successful businesses and trusting in love again.
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