Mental Clutter Isn’t Just a Mum’s Problem—It’s Time for a Family Shift

By Helena Zachariassen.

Let's be honest: the mental load is crushing. You can have a spotless home and well-organised wardrobes, but your life will still feel chaotic if your mind is a mess. As mums, we carry an invisible load that no one sees - managing everyone's needs and feeling utterly guilty when we drop the ball.

The pressure to do it all is suffocating. Decluttering your home helps, but it doesn't erase the mental lists, emotional exhaustion, and the constant feeling of being "on." So, if tidying up and simplifying on a material level isn't the fix, what is? 

Let's talk about simplifying the chaos in your head.

1. Mental decluttering: getting out of your own head

The constant noise in your mind; the schedules, the reminders, the worries—is exhausting. You're managing an entire household's existence, not just your own. 

I remember waking up in the middle of the night, my heart racing with tomorrow's to-do list. I had prepped the kids' school stuff and set out clothes, but my brain wouldn't let me rest. What had I forgotten? Did I get a gift for that birthday party? Was my mum's health check-up this week? Did I respond to that school email? The list never stopped.

What's draining you:

• Keeping track of everyone's appointments, school projects, emotional wellbeing and the family's social diary.
• An endless to-do list running in your brain at 2 AM.
• Feeling guilty for not being "enough."

How to lighten the mental load:

• Write it down - getting thoughts onto paper clears your mind.
  Let go of perfection - your kids don't need a supermum, they need a present mum.
• Stop overthinking - not every decision is life-altering.
• Reframe the narrative - stop calling it "helping mum"; it's teamwork.
  Share the load - chores are family contributions, not extra tasks for kids or partners.

Why it matters:
Research shows that when household responsibilities are shared more equally, both partners experience lower stress levels, and children benefit by learning responsibility and teamwork. It's not just good for you - it's good for the whole family.

2. Shifting the balance: household responsibilities are for everyone

For too long, the bulk of household and mental load has fallen on mums. Running a home and supporting your kids emotionally is not a solo job. Many partners do help out, but there's often an imbalance in the invisible load, especially in the planning, remembering, and anticipating.

The problem:

• The assumption that household management is primarily mum's responsibility.
• Partners waiting to be asked instead of taking the initiative.
• Kids seeing chores as optional rather than essential.

How to shift the balance:

• Reframe the language - it's not "helping mum, " it's "being part of a team."
• Make responsibilities visible - write down tasks so everyone understands.
  Let go of control - it doesn't have to be done your way to be done well.
  Hold everyone accountable - if a child can use an iPad, they can pack their own school bag or fold their own clothes.
• Partners need to take ownership - actively manage part of the household load.
• Make the mental load visible - talk openly about your responsibilities.
  Assign real ownership - your partner should fully take on tasks like logistics or emotional Check-ins with the kids.
• This isn't just about making life easier for mums; it's about creating a home where responsibilities and emotional support are shared so no one carries the burden alone.

3. Saying no: because you're not a machine

You say yes to bake sales, playdates, and extra work assignments and then wonder why you're running on fumes. Saying no isn't selfish; it's survival. I used to think being the "yes" mum made me a better parent, but I ended up baking cupcakes at midnight for a school event I didn't even want to attend. The next morning, I was exhausted and resentful. Was it worth it? Absolutely not.

Signs you need to say no more:

• You never stop moving, but nothing meaningful gets done.
• You're constantly irritable or exhausted.
• Your own needs always come second or last.

How to protect your time:

• Practice saying, "No, I can't commit to that right now." No excuses are needed.
• Cancel something today - the world won't end.
• Build in white space - you don't need every moment scheduled.
• Shift expectations at home - start making tasks shared responsibilities.

4. Decision fatigue: stop making life harder

How many tiny decisions do you make daily? What to cook, what to wear, what needs signing, it's endless. And it's draining you. When my husband asked what we should have for dinner, I nearly lost it. After a day of deciding a hundred things, that one question felt like too much.

Ways to reduce decision overload:

• Make a weekly easy meal plan with easy go-to dishes everybody likes.
• No more staring at the fridge at dinner time.
• Simplify routines. Wear go-to outfits. Automate bills. Set standing appointments.
• Hand off decisions - let your partner handle school emails, meal planning, cooking or logistics. It shouldn't all be on you. Share the stuff your way and make it work for you.

5. The digital chaos: unplug and breathe

Your phone is a distraction. Notifications, emails, and social media scrolling keep your brain in overdrive.

How to cut digital clutter:

• Turn off notifications - you don't need to hear every email ping.
• Unfollow accounts that make you feel "less than."
• Schedule phone-free time - your brain needs a break.

A new definition of simplicity

Decluttering your home is a great start, but it won't fix everything for a sustainable future. Real simplicity means clearing space in your mind, schedule, and heart. Here's your challenge: Let something go today. Whether it's an expectation, an obligation, or just the guilt, it's time to lighten your load.

And if you're a single parent? You're juggling even more. It's vital to recognise that the mental load is just as heavy for you, if not more so, but there's no need to carry it all alone. Consider leaning on your support network, whether it's family, friends, or community resources., to share some of the load. Ask for help when needed, even if it's just a small favour. You deserve it.

Parenting is hard enough, and doing it solo is an even bigger challenge. Remember: No one should have to do it alone, and it's okay to ask for help, prioritise your wellbeing, and set boundaries. Let go of the idea that you have to be everything to everyone.

Take care of yourself, and be that healthy role model.

Helena Zachariassen is a mum of 2, an expert in simplifying and home organising, and a lover of all things beautiful in life. A certified KonMari Consultant and Lifestyle Coach, she is the founder of Switzerland’s first KonMari and Lifestyle Coaching Consultancy - My Happy Home. She is passionate about empowering and inspiring people of any walk of life by organising their living spaces according to the KonMari Method by simply choosing joy.

Having her roots in Finland, the Nordic country of pure, quiet, and beautiful wilderness, and being deeply inspired by nature, beauty and simplicity, Helena lovingly encourages and supports her clients in transforming their homes into havens of serenity.