Ask Janine: Am I Selfish for Choosing Myself?Feb 11, 2022
By Janine Wirth.
I guess I want some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing. I recently broke off my engagement, and it feels like everyone hates me now. My mother refuses to speak to me and, according to my brother, has been crying for days.
My ex-fiancé's family have sent me hate-filled messages on social media. They blame me for breaking his heart and accuse me of having someone else- I promise I don't.
I don't know what happened, and I just realised a sense of dread the closer we got to the wedding and I felt trapped and overwhelmed.
I resent saying yes because I think I love him, but I'm not in love with him, if that makes sense?
Any advice would be appreciated.
Dear Runaway Fiancé,
Following your instinct and choosing yourself instead of doing something you know your heart isn't in will always get a standing ovation from me.
Is it sad for everyone involved? Of course, it is- and that's OK.
Both of your families are allowed to feel shocked and disappointed, but it is not acceptable to make you feel "less than" for stepping up and owning your truth.
Do you know what's worse, in my humble opinion, than your mother crying for days?
YOU, CRYING FOR DECADES, FILLED WITH REGRET AND BECOMING A BITTER PERSON!
I honour you for releasing that man with love and freeing you both up for someone better suited.
Nobody deserves a tepid relationship.
Yay for passion, adventure and building a future with someone who takes your breath away and brings out the best in you!
I applaud you for getting out now instead of having children, only to turn their lives upside down with an almost inevitable divorce later on.
My suggestion is to block whoever, wherever they send you hateful messages. You don't deserve to be berated for having the courage many others don't.
If you can, take some time off and go away either by yourself or with a best friend who supports your decision.
If you need to take a time-out from your own family, do it. You're an adult, and adults get to change their minds, speak their truth and choose who has access to them.
Keep leaning into your desires, even if it feels difficult or pisses others off. I'm not saying you must be nasty or unkind, but don't be anyone's doormat either.
I wish you lots of peace, joy and adventure on your journey.
Janine Wirth, is the proud founder of Path to Healing Therapy and Coaching. Her mission is to help female entrepreneurs heal their emotional baggage, heal unresolved emotional trauma and PTSD without spending years in therapy and create spectacular business success for themselves. You may have read her story in The Spotlight and if so you’ll know why she’s so passionate about her work so when she got the opportunity to work alongside The Female CEO and provide a monthly question and answer she was thrilled!
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