5 Simple Steps to Transform Your Tricky Relationships

guest blogs lifestyle the retreat Oct 08, 2019

By Anita Ghosal

The relationships in our lives can make or break us on a daily basis. No matter the type of relationships they can be all consuming on so many levels. Particularly our most intimate relationships can bring both the worst and the best out in us. Why does it affect us so much?



  • There is a communication breakdown?

  • Bullied?

  • Not heard or misunderstood in some of your relationships?

  • You are not always able to speak up or stick up for yourself? Sometimes feeling like you are frozen or fearful of speaking up.

  • You spread yourself too thin and find it hard to say no?

  • Overwhelmed, anxious or sometimes unappreciated?

  • Angry and frustrated? Maybe feeling taken advantage of at times or losing your temper with you loved ones and feeling terrible about it.

You are not alone and I have certainly been there on all of these at some point.



Love and relationships nurture us on a deep level and so when we are rejected or emotionally neglected in some way we can start to feel unloved, unwanted or not enough. It can and usually is related to past triggers we experienced as we grew up especially in our intimate relationships and whilst we do not always recognise this, it is often the case and knowing the difference and healing our triggers can lift that weight off considerably! Even with bosses, a relationship with a boss is very close to that of a parent and so triggers can show up and affect us deeply especially when we are not aware and feel powerless to change the way we feel. The same with our partners and husbands. The truth it is that is our perception is driving the way we feel and when we can change that perception the relationships we are in will improve significantly. I can guarantee you that.



Quite simply it’s our past experience that shape us. We are not born feeling this way, we are born expressing ourselves fully and fearlessly and we know we are lovable and will be loved and accepted as we are. Its our birthright! We don’t feel offended or hurt by much as a baby or feel unwanted or rejected.  So it is clear we learned to act this way for some of us through more severe experiences like abuse, neglect or grief as it was for me and having dual identity being a UK born Indian meant I gained identities, beliefs and values that didn’t belong to me. It was certainly  not ok to be me and it was never ok to say NO to Asian parents.

For others it may seem like smaller things like something a teacher said or a difficult experience at work.  No matter how small or big they have the same effect and yes it is related to the relationships we experience today. These experiences are usually tucked away or pushed down  in our sub conscious and we belittle how important they are or have no awareness of them at all but, the truth is it is hugely important to recognise these and process them. Otherwise they we will be playing out in your relationships until today whether we are conscious of it or not.

Whatever it is, the good news we can process these fast when we undertake simple yet powerful exercises!



First Identify a relationship that is causing you some pain and upset this can be a boss, partner, sister, friend, or relationship you wished you had in your life but are yet to attract – any one that comes up.

1. Gain Awareness.

Get to you know you! Create a relationship with you first and be aware. Awareness is the first step.What makes you feel hurt or disempowered in this relationship? Where is it coming from?

2. Know your Beliefs.

What beliefs have you picked up that may not belong to you from the past that may make you feel this way and have this perception? How may they be limiting you?

3. Tune into your true Values

What values are driving the way you feel or react in this relationship? Feel into whether these values really belong to you or are they from a past experience?

4. Healing and Rewiring

Though doing the inner work, personal development coaching and self awareness you can heal and rewire fast, to enjoy your current relationships, and attract relationships that are fulfilling for you.

5. Boundaries

This is about choices and finding your voice. It also the way we teach people how to treat us through setting healthy self loving and honouring boundaries relationships flourish.



Journal on all these and share with me what comes up. If you feel you would like more support from me, I can help with that. I can show you how to reignite, attract, transform your experience in your relationships to one that fulfils you every way and makes you feel confident. You are worthy of having relationships in your life that you feel fully connected to, flourish in and make you feel alive. Just book i for a free discovery call here. We may decide to work together – and if so great – if not then that’s okay too. You’ll still have a clear plan to move your relationships forward or attract the relationships of your dreams.


Anita Ghosal is an International Coach & Speaker Liberating women from the inside out to release limitations and create a life they love by claiming who they are - owning it, empowered and unapologetically. Releasing the need for external validation, the need to adhere to cultural or societal restrictions, to break free to find who they are and own it.

If you would like to know more about Anita then you can do so here 




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