Why Being More Masculine In Business Doesn't Bring Greater SuccessSep 07, 2020
By Natasha C Dewhirst
A few years ago, my life was dictated by constantly doing and all of the other associated masculine traits. Internally all I wanted to do was stop and just be. I wanted to be creative and be a fun, relaxed woman, but I had no idea how without alcohol.
I don't know when, in my life, I stepped fully into my masculine energy. I imagine it began when, as a young girl, I needed to support my single mother with fixing things around the house. At eight years old, I remember changing a plug, fuses and light bulbs and doing the family shopping. I was the one to answer the front door to strangers. At 13 years old, I was working every hour I could.
It's no big surprise that this masculine energy carried me through a successful career and into running a successful business. My drive and focus were quite incredible. I spent my time thinking about my goals, my future and loved completing projects. I regularly neglected my feelings and my health so that I could focus on my work and being 'perfect' in my next project. I didn't seem to notice that this career did nothing to help me to feel happy or fulfilled.
I had grown up with very formal grandparents, who were both high achievers. I knew what hard work looked like I just didn't realise I didn't need to do it all on my own, or there was a more natural way. My Catholic upbringing added to the mix as I grew up with phrases like 'never show weakness' and that I should be 'seen and not heard'. Those closest to me were extremely uncomfortable around emotion. I was made to feel like that 'too much girl' if I showed any, so I sucked them up and buried them.
With every job, I continued to hide my emotions. I truly believed that they had no place in business. I continued to be dominated by the masculine energy of taking action and shutting down internally. We attract the lessons we need to learn - all of my significant relationships involved men that lived more in their feminine energy. My ex-husband lacked the ambition that lit me up, other partners the drive or the masculinity. I continued to believe I had no choice but to keep 'doing' so I could remain independent as these men didn't provide any kind of security. I continued to be the breadwinner of the relationship.
While I was successful at work, at home, I was a mess. Zoning out on wine and Netflix and feeling stuck and frustrated, I was utterly unable to step out of this masculine energy when I came home. My discovery that this masculine energy was harmful to me came after a period of ill health. I burnt out completely, which eventually became a dark gift for rebalancing and redefining my health and my life.
As a mother of 2 young children, staying ill wasn't an option. I spent considerable time and money painstakingly trying to make the right changes (pacing, grading, etc.) I invested in all the latest 'cures' and talking therapies. Nothing lasted. Faced with the uncertainty of my future, I threw myself into understanding the mind-body connection so I could get well to parent my children.
I finally learnt to stay well, feel my emotions and have daily healthy habits by intentionally balancing my default masculine energy with the feminine. This has probably been my biggest life lesson. I share this now as I recently noticed the balance tipping back towards that old masculine energy. In order not to fall back into old, unhelpful behaviour patterns, I designed a 5-minute practice that you can use too. It brings me the instant balance of the feminine and masculine energies and enables me to reconnect with myself.
When you notice you've slipped into autopilot mode and are overachieving at your own expense, stop and ask yourself these two questions:
What am I not listening to?
This can be an inner longing or an immediate need that's being ignored.
What action can I take to achieve this?
This can be a walk in the garden, a break, calling a friend etc.
What I've learned is our mind is a need meeting machine. If we don't consciously meet our needs, our mind will find the fastest way to do this even if like in my case it was through an illness which was incredibly unhelpful at the time.
It took me a lot of time and pain before I chose to live this way. Naturally, there have been many steps to get to this point, and I hope this article inspires you to reconnect to your feminine self and start the journey of balancing your energies. Other steps that helped me step back into my feminine are:
• Trusting and building my intuition.
• Connecting to my heart when I make decisions.
• Learning that slowing down helps you to speed up. As does taking time out.
• Visualising what success means to my family and me.
• Utilising Scent. Wearing it on prayer beads or in a diffuser or making perfume.
• Connecting to other women, my soul sisters.
If you usually live in insane busy-ness and are disconnected from yourself, I can help you to get started with my free download Slow Down to Speed Up guided meditation Let me know how you get on, I’d love to connect with you.
Natasha C Dewhirst is a Reconnection Coach & Therapist. She helps overstretched women reconnect to themselves and remove the impact of negative life experiences and stress on their self-beliefs, abilities and wellbeing. After years of putting others first, they are able to redefine and rebuild themselves so that they know who they are, what they want and how to get what they need.
Natasha uses the most advanced techniques in psychology, personal development and somatic therapy to create fast-track tools that short cut their journey. Freeing them from pain, chaos and stress to resilient and unbreakable. You can read more about her on her website or catch up with her socially on Instagram, Facebook, Linkedin and Pinterest.
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