Where Are All The Good Partners?Aug 08, 2020
By Ambila Nath
I put out a post about a month ago asking women what would they want to read about regarding dating & relationships and one of the topics that came up was 'Where Are All The Good Partners!'
It's an interesting question, isn't it? And one that I have asked myself in the past as well as had many conversations about with my girlfriends. In those times that question remained predominately still a question, as none of us could get an answer as we were too busy moaning and complaining about the situation.
It's important to note here that throughout this article this question relates to the typically masculine traits of the relationship and not necessarily 'men.'
Being a spiritual dating & relationship coach and having been through many heartaches myself. I now have a much better psychological as well as spiritual understanding of 'where are all the good partners?'
So when starting to write this article, I typed in this question into the search engines to see what would come up and I was astonished – Why? Well, I expected to read lots of articles from a woman's perspective, and I got a view that I had not thought about, but it is one that helps to answer the question.
So the answer to the question is that – The good partners are where they have always been, right in front of us!
What has changed is our perception and expectation of the masculine role in a relationship. Two decades ago, men had clarity of their roles in culture, society and relationships. The masculine role was to pay for the movie tickets, dinner, flowers, chocolate, the diamond ring, the house. And to be the primary provider and protector in a relationship. But as time has moved forward, women have been (rightly) fighting for their rights culturally, in society and love & relationships.
All of these things are a sign of times moving forward and women wanting to be equal in the workplace and at home, and this holds a lot of positives but it equally it has brought about some negatives.
As women, we need to realise that equality is a two-way thing. I think the meaning of this has been somewhat confused. Women have often translated this to 'that we are the same as men'. Equality is not always sameness, and sameness is not always equality.
For example, women have equal opportunity to go to war and fight side by side with men, but the physical standards to allow them to do so are not the same. And this can be seen across a whole spectrum of professions, from firefighters to ballet dancers. The difference is diversity, and that should be a cause for celebration and not just be something we dismiss.
Men are often hit with the label that they are afraid of strong independent women. In many cases, this is not true. The truth is, men love strong and independent women. What men don't love are the masculine traits that women feel they have to take on. They don't like the ongoing competitiveness (which may be necessary for the workplace but not required at home in a loving relationship for example), the verbal aggression, the emotional manipulation, and the psychological controlling that can come about as a sign of the insecurities that women have about relationships.
In the sphere of heterosexual relationships, most women are not attracted to men who have a weak personality, just as most men will not/are not attracted to masculine domineering women.
So what solutions are there in this battle of the question? We need to look into our social conditioning, to begin with.
Many women are beginning to reject the modern kind of feminism and equally many men, for two or three generations now, are rejecting the attitude that a woman is some kind of second class citizen and only has a place as a housewife bearing children.
We need to look at our energies and mindsets and see what we are putting out there that we cannot see the 'good men'.
Saying harmful things like:-
- I don't need a man
- I can have children by myself
- I don't need a man to support me.
If you keep putting this belief verbally and energetically out into the world, then that's what you will be experiencing. As human beings, 80% of how we communicate is with our energy and with our body language. If we are carrying strong beliefs that 'I don't need a man to support me', then that's what the men you are attracting are picking up on. So the likely scenario will be that men will feel insecure and obsolete to be with you.
We have work to do on both sides.
Letting go of destructive thoughts, communication, and behaviour is a crucial process for having healthier and happier relationships. We do not live in a time where there is a shortage of good men (or women) – we are now living in a time where we need to wake up to understand that men are equally seeking good women and will not just settle, just as many women have been doing for decades.
The process of this is knowing and trusting that the good people are right in front of you.
The question is not 'Where are all the good partners'! – but 'Have I Opened Myself Up And Done The Inner Work To Be Able To See Them?'
Ambila Nath is a Spiritual lifestyle coach, serial entrepreneur, tarot reader, energy healer and a paid international speaker. She has worked with clients for over 2 decades helping them to build the life that they deserve by finding their life path, gaining self-confidence to just be themselves, starting successful businesses and trusting in love again.
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