The Season of Slowing Down (and Showing Up Anyway)

By Marisa Sim.

Lately, I have been navigating crazy changes in my body, mood, and general energy. I'm in what I like to call my “hot mama goddess” era, but not in a sexy way, a lot more like hello, perimenopause! Let me tell you, it’s not for the faint of heart. Ready?

Hot flashes? Check.

Weight gain? Oh yes.

Body Odour? Eww, I know.

Mood swings that sometimes edge dangerously close to rage? Yep, that too.

And let’s not forget the army of grey hairs I have accumulated in the last few years.

It's as if my body sent me an unwanted memo saying, “Hey, you are no longer in the maiden phase of life, but a brand new season is coming, so buckle up for this rollercoaster ride!"

Ever since turning 40, a few years ago, a momentous shift began to happen. It is as if I stopped caring so much about what other people think of me overnight. I’ve embraced a delicious "I don’t give a damn" attitude, and it’s been honestly very liberating. No more apologising for taking up space, speaking my mind, or letting my natural greys come through. 

I mean, I haven’t dyed my hair in over two years, mostly because I’m too lazy to do it myself and too frugal to spend hundreds at the salon every few weeks. But also? I love the streaks of silver. They are the battle scars of a woman who has lived, loved, and learned. 

Now, let us talk about the hot flashes. You know, those 2 am infernos that feel like someone lit a fire under your skin. One moment you are snoring peacefully, the next you’re ripping the covers off like you are back to that heat you felt in a tropical country you travelled to in your 20s. Not to be dramatic or anything, but I would like to have a heart-to-heart conversation with my hormones- like WTF is going on here???

And the weight gain? Oh boy. It crept up like a silent ninja, and now I find myself hovering around my pregnancy weight, except this time, there is no adorable baby bump to make it “worth it.” I am not entirely thrilled to be here, but I also don't hate myself for it. That is a big win in itself. I just bought some new jeans, one size up, and you know what? They fit like a dream and are oh-so comfy. 

Let us normalise that, shall we? Can we normalise buying clothes that fit us, instead of shrinking ourselves to fit clothes that are no longer the right size for our new gorgeous, shame-free bodies?

To be completely transparent, I have a passion for food. I always have. I enjoy savouring each bite, and I love cooking food so I can truly appreciate each one. Food has always been more than fuel to me; it's joy, comfort, community, and celebration. I don’t drink, smoke, or self-medicate. But carbs? Carbs are my best friend. And now, in my 40s, I've gained two new besties - my belly and love handles have become loyal (if slightly clingy) companions. They’re not going anywhere without a fight.

Despite all of this, I’m trying not to be so hard on myself.

Because this is a season. Just like spring follows winter, perimenopause follows the season of being a maiden. It’s not a punishment. It’s not failure. It has simply changed. And we women? We are masters of adapting to change, even when society tells us to hide it, fight it, Botox it away, or feel ashamed of it. But I refuse to feel shame.

I’m learning to embrace the slower pace of this phase. No, I can’t eat as much as I used to. No, I can’t function on four hours of sleep like I did in my twenties after a night of boozing. Yes, my digestion has slowed down. But that doesn’t mean I’m powerless. It means I'm choosing to listen to my body more closely than ever before.

That’s why I have started making some gentle changes, not from a place of punishment, but from a place of nurturance. I’ve picked up strength training with my newly acquired weight, getting my steps in daily, drinking more water, taking some menopause-friendly supplements, and napping when my body asks for it.

But I am not doing it because I want to “bounce back” and fit into a pair of old jeans. I’m not trying to return to some outdated younger version of myself in my 20s or 30s. I’m doing it because I want to feel good in this body, and in this moment. I want to feel strong, not small, with old insecurities.

You see, there is an old narrative many of us were raised with: that our worth is tied to our youth, our weight, our career, and productivity. That if we slow down, we’re falling behind. That if we’re not hustling, we’re lazy. That if we’re not desirable, we’re invisible. But I’m calling BS on all of it.

This middle season of life isn’t a decline, it’s a reclamation. A powerful remembering of who we are underneath the noise. And yes, it comes with visceral fat and random chin hairs, but it also comes with freedom, clarity, and zero tolerance for nonsense.

We don’t need to hustle harder. We need to heal deeper.

We don’t need to get smaller. We need to stand taller.

We don’t need to fit into outdated moulds. We need to break them.

So here’s what I’m inviting you to do:

Let go of the shame that tells you you should look like you did at 25.

Let go of the guilt around slowing down.

Let go of the pressure to keep up with people who are not living your life.

Instead, shift your focus to what truly matters:

Who are you spending time with?

When was your last soul-nourishing conversation?

Are you moving your body with kindness?

Are you dressing for joy, not just for size?

Are you tending to your needs instead of dismissing them?

This isn’t about giving up. It’s about redefining what thriving looks like - for you.

Maybe thriving right now means walking 5,000 steps instead of 10,000.

Maybe it means buying the jeans that fit.

Maybe it’s unfollowing influencers who make you feel like a failure.

Maybe it’s occasionally eating the croissant with your morning coffee, and taking your supplements too.

You get to write the rules for this chapter, and you don’t have to do it alone.

This phase of life often brings up limiting beliefs, deep-rooted stories from childhood, culture, and social media, that constantly remind you that: “You are too old. You are not enough. You are falling behind.” Those stories run deep, especially for women who grew up with childhood trauma, mother wounds, father wounds, or the constant pressure to perform. But just because those beliefs exist doesn’t mean they are true, and just because they are loud doesn’t mean you need to give in to the noise.

That’s the work I do.

I help women unearth and rewire the limiting beliefs that keep them stuck in cycles of self-doubt, shame, and comparison. Whether those beliefs concern your body, worth, identity, or relationships, they can be transformed.

Because you are not broken. You are becoming.

If this article resonates with you, if you’re tired of doing it all alone, and if you’re ready to rewrite the stories holding you back, I invite you to take the next bold step.

Let’s talk about what’s coming up for you. Let’s map out where you want to go and clear the blocks standing in your way. Together, we’ll shift the internal stories so you can move through this season with grace, humour, and strength.

We’re not here to shrink ourselves.

We’re here to take up space with love, power, and presence.

Let’s honour that.

Let’s honour you.

Marisa Sim is a trauma-informed coach. As a childhood trauma survivor, she understands firsthand how trauma affects our mental health and well-being. Now she supports women to heal from their childhood trauma and step into their power.

You can find out more about Marisa and her work at: https://www.marisasim.com/