How Psychedelics Transformed My Life

By Marisa Sim.

Note: This article discusses the use of psychedelics in a personal healing context. It is shared for storytelling and informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice.

I grew up in a conservative Chinese family with a mother who was emotionally unavailable, controlling, and abusive. Her love was conditional, dependent on my performance in school and how well I behaved in front of others. When I excelled, she basked in my achievements. When I failed, I faced her anger behind closed doors.

I spent my childhood in a constant state of fear. When my father travelled for business, I felt an overwhelming sense of dread, knowing I'd be alone with my mother's unpredictable moods. I learned to walk on eggshells, trying to avoid her wrath. But no matter how hard I tried to make her proud, it was never enough. My grades weren't high enough. My efforts weren't good enough. The only way I could stay safe was by being useful - helping in the house, caring for my younger brother, and playing the role of the perfect daughter.

By 14, I started rebelling. Smoking, drinking, staying out late, anything to avoid being home with my depressed mother. At 16, when my parents separated, I chose to live with my father. It was the first time I decided for my own well-being.

Throughout my teens and twenties, I partied excessively, drifted through life without direction, and sought validation from men. My attachment style was chaotic - I craved love but pushed it away when it felt too stable. Deep down, I was trying to fill a void - a void left by a mother who never truly loved me for who I was.

I now understand that void as the Mother Wound.

The Mother Wound is the psychological and emotional pain that one feels from a challenging relationship with their mother, often passed down from generations with daughters feeling the burnt of the pain. It shapes how you see yourself and your self-worth; it affects your relationships, career, finances, parenting, and health, especially your mental health.

It has profoundly impacted me and caused me to go through life full of fear, anxiety, and not feeling good enough. So I played small, for example, not asking for a promotion or a raise at work, not voicing my opinions, and allowing people to treat me like a doormat. I was living a very limited life with no purpose.

My First Psychedelic Experience

At 27, I went on a trip to Thailand and tried a mushroom shake. It was my first time experiencing psychedelics, and I had an open heart and mind about the experience. That night, I laughed until my stomach hurt, gazed at the stars as they danced before my eyes, and felt something I hadn't in a long time: pure joy. I was fully present, free from worry, untouched by fear or self-judgment. I felt like a child again, experiencing life for the first time. I was playful, joyful, and silly for about 6 hours. That first experience opened the door to deeper healing. Over the years, psychedelics became a gateway for self-discovery - through dance festivals, shamanic healing ceremonies, and intentional journeys within. They helped me see my pain with clarity, not as something to numb or escape, but as something to embrace and transform.

10 Life Lessons Psychedelics Taught Me 

1. The present moment is all that matters.

Before psychedelics, I was constantly stuck in the past, reliving childhood wounds or anxious about the future, worrying if I was doing enough or being enough. During one ceremony, as I watched the sunrise in an outdoor club, time seemed to slow down. My worries disappeared. It was just me and the warmth of the sun touching my skin. That moment taught me that the only real life is happening right now. The past is gone. The future hasn't arrived. The only thing we ever truly have is this moment.

2. When the ego dissolves, we see each other's true selves.

At dance festivals, surrounded by strangers, I felt deeply connected to everyone. There was no judgment, no social status, no masks. We weren't engineers, teachers, or business owners; we were just humans, moving to the rhythm of life. I felt an overwhelming sense of unity, realising that beneath all our roles, fears, and facades, we are all the same. Psychedelics strips away the ego and allows us to connect from a place of pure authenticity.

3. Love is the answer to everything.

During one of my journeys, I saw a vision of myself as a little girl, scared, lonely, and yearning for love. Instead of pushing the pain away, I leaned in and embraced her. I whispered, You are enough. You are loved. At that moment, I understood that love - especially self-love - is the key to healing. Whether in relationships, personal growth, or life's biggest struggles, love is always the answer.

4. Gratitude changes everything.

One night, as I stared at the sky witnessing the most incredible sunset, the vastness of the universe overwhelmed me, yet I felt incredibly small in the best way possible. I suddenly realised how much I had taken for granted: clean air, fresh water, a healthy body that moves, and people who love me. When we shift from a lack mindset to gratitude, life feels abundant, no matter our circumstances.

5. Live each day as if it were your last.

There was a moment during one of my experiences where I felt like I was dissolving into the universe. I wasn't scared, I felt liberated. It made me question: If I died tomorrow, would I be happy with how I lived today? Too often, we put off joy for 'someday.' But the truth is, life is unpredictable. If today were your last day, would you be proud of how you spent it? Psychedelics reminded me to stop waiting and start truly living.

6. Your job is not your identity.

We often define ourselves by our careers, I'm a doctor, I'm a coach, I'm a mother. But who are we beyond that? During an ayahuasca ceremony, I saw my life from a bird's-eye view and realised that if my job disappeared tomorrow, I would still be me. Our titles, accomplishments, and resumes don't define our worth. What matters is how we show up in the world, how we love, and how we contribute beyond the labels we wear.

7. We are insignificant in the grand scheme of the universe.

One night, while looking at the vast sky in Ibiza, I felt like a speck in the cosmos. I realised that all my worries, insecurities, and fears were so small in the grand scheme of things. The world will keep going, whether or not I stress about that email, that argument, or that deadline. This realisation helped me release the need to control everything and trust the flow of life.

8. Life goes on, with or without you.

I used to think that if I wasn't doing enough, I was somehow falling behind. But psychedelics helped me see that life moves forward, regardless of whether I stress about it or not. The river keeps flowing. The sun rises and sets. People come and go. Instead of trying to control everything, I learned to surrender and trust that life will unfold as it's meant to.

9. Be like the duck.

Ducks float on water with ease, but beneath the surface, their feet are paddling. I once was at a shamanic ceremony at a farm, and I saw a group of ducks swimming in a pond. The message I received at that moment was- Be like the duck, stay calm on the surface, even if you're working hard underneath. Life is full of chaos; watch the news, and you'll know, but we don't have to let it consume us. Instead of reacting with stress or panic, we can learn to stay grounded and centred and move through life's challenges with patience and grace.

10. Trust the process.

During one of my shamanic healing journeys, I observed the clouds moving slowly in the sky; I realised that just like the clouds have no agenda, they move where the wind takes them. Even when things don't make sense, even in the darkest moments, there's pure flow to life. The universe has a way of guiding us exactly where we need to be, if only we have the patience to trust the journey.

Conclusion

Psychedelics didn't just give me profound insights; they created a ripple effect that transformed my entire way of living. After my experience, I quit smoking effortlessly, something I'd struggled with for years. I also found myself drinking far less. Now, I'll have a glass of wine only a few times a year, and it's always intentional, never habitual.

More than just breaking old patterns, psychedelics shifted my focus toward caring for my body and mind more deeply. I became more conscious about what I was putting into my body, choosing nourishing foods that truly support my well-being. Movement became a priority, not out of obligation, but because I wanted to feel good in my body. Yoga, meditation, and daily walks became essential, helping me stay grounded and present. I also started being more mindful of the people I surrounded myself with, leaning into relationships that uplift me and stepping away from those that drain my energy.

But the most powerful shift wasn't in my habits but in how I experience life itself. Psychedelics showed me that we are all deeply connected, part of something far greater than ourselves. They reminded me that love, peace, and meaningful connection hold far more value than titles, achievements, or the constant chase for 'more.' I learned that the answers I'd been seeking weren't somewhere outside me; they were within me all along. I just needed to slow down, tune in, and trust my intuition.

Now, whenever I feel uncertain or overwhelmed, I return to those lessons. I drop into the present moment, remind myself to breathe, and reconnect with that inner knowing. No matter how chaotic life feels, I remember this truth: I am exactly where I'm meant to be - sharing this with you.

 Marisa Sim is a trauma-informed coach. As a childhood trauma survivor, she understands firsthand how trauma affects our mental health and well-being. Now she supports women to heal from their childhood trauma and step into their power.

You can find out more about Marisa and her work at:  https://marisa-sim.mykajabi.com