Ask Janine - I've been hiding my sexuality, how do I keep a balance between my girlfriend and my parents?

ask janine janine wirth the retreat Feb 22, 2021

By Janine Wirth 

Dear Janine,

I need your help please. I just turned 33 and started my first relationship with a woman about 4 months ago. My girlfriend wants to meet my parents. The only problem is that they have no idea that I'm bisexual. How can I tell my parents and make my girlfriend happy?

Regards Desperate.

 

Dear Desperate,

Thanks for your question. I understand it can seem challenging to share new personal information with your parents, but your girlfriend also has a point. At 33 years of age, you owe it to yourself and your parents to own all the parts of your personality and be authentic.

My suggestion is that you tell your parents on your own first. Meeting partners for the first time is often stressful, and you don't want to create unnecessary tension by making your parents feel like you railroaded them. 

Be prepared that they might be shocked. For at least the last 20 odd years they thought you were heterosexual, so they might need a moment to let it sink in and adjust to the information.

If they don't respond well (I sincerely hope that they will though), then just give them a few days to process the information and reach out again. You are entitled to live your life on your own terms, so regardless of the outcome you don't owe anyone anything.

After a week or two ask them if they would like to meet your new girlfriend. If they need more time, show compassion and understanding, but also let them know that as an adult you will choose your own partners and would appreciate their support as well as them accepting all parts of your life, and not just what appeals to them.

Your partner wanting to meet your parents after 4 months is pretty normal, so just make sure that you are comfortable with that regardless of gender. If you have never introduced any of your previous partners within 4 months, then communicate that and your reasons why.

In the end you must be comfortable with the speed and level of communication - both in your relationship, and how and when you introduce your parents. Be brave and always speak your truth!

I hope that helps.

 


Janine Wirth, is the proud founder of Path to Healing Therapy and Coaching. Her mission is to help female entrepreneurs heal their emotional baggage, heal unresolved emotional trauma and PTSD without spending years in therapy and create spectacular business success for themselves. You may have read her story in The Spotlight and if so you’ll know why she’s so passionate about her work so when she got the opportunity to work alongside The Female CEO and provide a monthly question and answer she was thrilled! 


Do you have a question you would like an answer to? If so then drop Janine a line at [email protected] All questions can be anonymous if preferred, just let her know! You can read all about Janine and her work here or catch up socially on Facebook or LinkedIn

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