10 Reasons Why Keeping Your Identity In A Relationship Is ImportantSep 08, 2020
By Ambila Nath
This year has definitely pushed us out of our comfort zones and forced us to spend so much more time with our partners than we normally would. So, how do you cope with the dynamics of being with someone 24/7 whilst not getting swallowed up in their world, yet at the same time ensuring you stay in touch with your own?
A healthy relationship is not about fitting into a mould to make a relationship work. It is about allowing and accepting yourself and your partner to be who you/they are – warts and all. If you have taken on a personality that is not true to who you are then you are likely to experience anger, anxiety or resentment towards your partner at some stage in time, potentially sabotaging your relationship as a result.
That is why it is vital for you to remember that the reason why your partner fell in love with you was because of your personality and individuality – so don’t lose that now!
Let me share some tips to help you keep your identity in your relationship in order to help strengthen you as a couple:
MAKE SURE YOU HAVE YOUR OWN FRIENDS
You are often a very different person with your friends than you are with your partner. Having your own individual set of friends (away from the shared friends) is very important. It will give you a sense of personal confidence and the opportunity to pursue interests that are different to that of your partner.
RECONNECT WITH YOUR HOBBIES AND INTERESTS, THEN DO THEM!
Don’t neglect your interests, hobbies and passions as they are a part of what motivates and drives you as a person. They help to create and maintain a big part of your personality. So, get stuck into your hobbies and the things you are passionate about. It’s never too late to start!
HAVE SOME TIME ALONE
Spending time alone is a must if you want to regain your sense of self. Sometimes all you need is a small break away from your partner to find peace with yourself again. It is an opportunity for you to relax and catch up on your reading, going for a walk or just relaxing in the garden.
DON’T LOSE SIGHT OF YOUR DREAMS
Don’t give up your dreams for someone else’s. When we get into a relationship we become prone to putting ourselves second. Our dreams and passions are what gives us a sense of purpose in our lives. By losing sight of what you want means that you are letting go of a big part of yourself. So, keep your dreams alive and work towards making them happen.
BE OPEN TO TAKING ON NEW THINGS
This is a great way to boost your self-confidence and kick yourself out of your comfort zone. Push yourself each day/week/month/year to try new challenges that will help you to gain a sense of independence and prove to yourself just how amazing you are!
DON’T LET YOUR LIFE REVOLVE AROUND YOUR PARTNER
Becoming too dependent on your partner can have negative effects for example, making them feel trapped and not able to do the things they enjoy doing. So don’t revolve your life around them. Keep a healthy balance in your life and make plans with your friends and family, and do your own hobbies and interests.
DON’T ASK FOR YOUR PARTNER’S PERMISSION
When you depend on your partner’s approval for every simple thing in life, you can end up losing your independence, self-confidence and self-worth. There are times where it is important to consult your partner, but never seek their permission. Be confident enough to know that you have power and are fully capable of making decisions for yourself.
LEARN SOMETHING NEW ABOUT YOURSELF
Self-development is a key factor in maintaining your independence and learning something new about yourself all the time. By taking a seminar, getting some coaching, reading self-help books etc., will help you to continuously recreate yourself within your relationship – which is invaluable.
SET UP BOUNDARIES
Boundaries are not walls to keep your partner away from you. It’s about being clear, right from the start, about the things that are most important to you such as going out with your friends, being able to do what you want when you want etc. It’s better for two independent people to come together while still being able to keep their own space and interests. Setting boundaries means a healthier relationship.
BE A WHOLE PERSON
Making references of yourself as being someone’s ‘better half’ or ‘other half’ is a clear sign of losing your identity in a relationship. You don’t need anyone to complete you. You are a complete identity in yourself as is your partner. See yourself as a whole, powerful person with your partner being an enhancement to who you are.
Being in a romantic relationship can be tough and there is definitely not a one-size-fits-all scenario. We learn and grow from our mistakes but, no matter what, you can never lose everything that makes you who you are. So, stay proactive about maintaining your own identity and social life.
The most important thing to know is that a partner who genuinely and deeply loves you will never want you to be anyone other than yourself.
Ambila Nath is a Spiritual lifestyle coach, serial entrepreneur, tarot reader, energy healer and a paid international speaker. She has worked with clients for over 2 decades helping them to build the life that they deserve by finding their life path, gaining self-confidence to just be themselves, starting successful businesses and trusting in love again.
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