The Number You See Is Not the Number You Feel; What Oprah’s Interview With Belle Burden Reveals About Women, Wealth and the Money Conversation That Never Happens

Belle Burden grew up with generational wealth, yet had no real say over it. Money coach Ilana explains why so many successful women never have the money conversation, and why financial safety has to start from within.

By Ilana Jankowitz.

I was listening to a podcast: Oprah interviewing Belle Burden about her bestselling book, Strangers.   

Belle comes from a family with wealth. Real, generational wealth. And yet, as she spoke, what came through wasn’t ease or confidence. It was a kind of helpless bewilderment. She had grown up surrounded by money and still had no real say in her own inheritance, no genuine ground to stand on inside her marriage when it came to the finances. She had never quite been invited into the conversation. And so she hadn’t had it. 

I sat there thinking: I know this woman. Not her specifically. But her. I know her from my practice. I know her from the call that starts, “I’m not sure why I’m here. Everything looks fine on paper.” 

The Life That Crowds Out The Conversation 

Here is what I see in so many high-achieving women in their forties and fifties. There are elderly parents whose care needs arranging. Children with school runs and exam seasons. A career that takes real energy to sustain. A marriage that is mostly good, mostly fine, mostly moving forward. And somewhere in the middle of all of that, the money conversation never quite happened. 

Not because anyone forbade it. But because life filled the space where it should have been. 

So the finances went to the husband. Or to the financial adviser. Or to both, coordinating with each other, copying her in on emails she didn’t have time to read. And she told herself she trusted them, because she did, and because it was easier than making time for something that felt uncomfortable anyway. 

This Isn’t A Knowledge Problem 

I want to be careful here, because the instinct is to say: she just needs financial education. She needs to sit down with a spreadsheet and get informed. 

That’s not what I see with the women I work with. They are bright, capable and more than able to understand the numbers. What’s missing isn’t information. It’s a relationship with their money, and a sense that they’re allowed to have one.

What Belle Burden’s Story Opened Up For Me 

Belle Burden had wealth and still felt its absence in any personal, autonomous sense. That is not a contradiction. That is one of the most honest things you can say about how money actually works.

The number you see is not the number you feel.  

A large balance, a well-managed portfolio, a husband who handles everything responsibly: none of it makes you feel financially safe if you have no relationship with the money yourself. Your name might be on the accounts, but if your understanding, your choices and your voice aren’t in the room, the safety isn’t really yours.

Feeling safe with money doesn’t come from the number in the account. It comes from your own relationship with it: being involved, being heard and having ground of your own to stand on.

Where To Begin 

If any of this is sitting somewhere in your chest right now, I want you to start with something simple. 

Not a spreadsheet. Not a difficult conversation tonight over dinner. Just a question about yourself: how do you actually relate to money, underneath the arrangements you’ve made? 

The Money Quiz is a good place to go quiet with that question: the pattern underneath the behaviour, the belief underneath the silence. It takes about ten minutes and it has a way of naming things that women have been circling for years without quite finding the words - Take the free Money Quiz here. 

Your bank balance is not a measure of your worth. And neither is the arrangement you’ve been living with. You are allowed to want more ground. You’re allowed to start claiming it now. 

lIana Jankowitz is a certified Money Coach, born and raised in South Africa and currently residing in Zurich. Her work involves identifying behavioural patterns around money, transforming negative thinking, and moving from a self-destructive mindset to one that is positive and inspiring.

Passionate about helping women break free from self-doubt, low self-esteem, and lack of self-confidence and move towards financial liberation, she can help you with her free money quiz, Guided Group course or the Valuing Your Services Ebook.

You can read all about Ilana and her work here or on any of her social pages Facebook| LinkedIn| Twitter| Instagram | YouTube