After the Unthinkable: A Mother's Truth About Grief, Addiction, and Rising Again

Trigger Warning: This article contains candid discussions about addiction, mental health struggles, child loss, suicide, and grief. 

Please take care while reading and know it’s okay to pause or step away and know you're not alone. While we cannot list every global resource, we encourage you to reach out to a trusted mental health professional, local support group, or crisis helpline in your country.
If you’re unsure where to start, try searching for: "mental health crisis support" or "grief support services near me." - In the USA you can dial 988 or visit 988.org anywhere in the world to find support

Your wellbeing matters. You deserve support that helps you carry what's too heavy alone.

 By Tricia Scott. 

Angelique Strang is a truth-teller and fierce advocate for parents navigating the unimaginable. After losing two of her sons, one to a fentanyl overdose and the other to accidental suicide, Angelique was thrust into a grief so deep it cracked her wide open. But instead of breaking, she began to rise. “This is not therapy – This is Resurrection”

For over two decades, Angelique walked alongside her children through the shadows of addiction and mental illness, learning that love doesn't always save and survival isn't guaranteed, but it is still possible. Now, she's sharing her story with brutal honesty and unapologetic love to help other parents feel less alone in what she calls "the club no one should ever have to join." 

Through her workshops, The Beautiful F*cking Mess, private 30-Day Resurrection Containers, and her upcoming community support network, Angelique is creating a brave, no-BS space for grieving parents and families, a place where truth is spoken, shame is dismantled, and healing begins. She's also developing a podcast “Breaking the Silence: Conversations on Grief, Addiction and Healing” it facilitates the hard conversations and amplifies the voices of those often silenced by loss and stigma. Her vision is to also disrupt the stigma, judgement and programming that is normal in our society about addiction, mental health and grief. 

Angelique believes one thing above all: You couldn't save them, but you must save yourself. And she's here to walk with you through that sacred, gut-wrenching, life-saving journey to find joy through grief. 

Angelique, thank you for being here. To start, can you share a little bit about your journey and what led you to speak out so openly about addiction and grief? 

Losing my firstborn was shattering for sure. But it also jolted me awake with a series of unfortunate events that shook our whole family. 

Just weeks later my 2nd to youngest son wrecked his truck- I still do not know how he walked away. He was left with a TBI but physically ok. My middle son began to spiral severely after losing his brother; he blamed himself, his mental health was dangerous, and we found out later that he was using cocaine and drinking again after 4 years of sobriety. So, he was a rollercoaster waiting to derail.

He was admitted into psych three times and released within two days – the last time, he did voluntarily go to rehab and proceeded to get kicked out for "saying something not allowed". It is a mental health/medication roulette without any support. He had two suicide attempts, but they were more to get his wife to let him stay than wanting to end his life. She was not safe with him in the state he was in, and we encouraged her to file for a protective order. He deeply loved her, and he was not a violent person at all, but when he was in an altered state and a dark place, we were concerned for her wellbeing. He finally came to live with me as he had no other safe options and wanted Mama. While he was here, things were up and down, rocky, to say the least. 

Soon after he moved here, my granddaughter attempted to overdose on her anxiety meds. She was treated in-patient for a few weeks and found meds that helped along with therapy. By then, my middle son was drinking again here, but he asked me to monitor and help him limit his use. He was not yet ready to accept much support. He was in a very dark place internally. But he was very open with me – he did not want to die, but he also did not want to live in the state he was in. He truly wanted to find his way back to himself, heal, and make things right. He also did not want me and his family to have to suffer more loss. But he consistently talked about going into Superstition Mountain and never coming back. So, it was an ongoing battle within himself. 

It was a terrifying six months but also the most beautiful time. We connected very deeply, and I got to know my son as an adult in a way I never had before. He taught me so much in those six months. I could give him what he wanted – his mama's love and a safe space to try to heal—losing him so soon after my oldest was surreal. The grief was extremely different between them. Not that I loved them more or less – but individually, so grief was very individual and still is. 

The night of his accident is still very much disconnected, and the days in the neuro-trauma ICU are often a blur, but parts of it are burned forever in my memories. Strangely, when we finally got the coroner report, they ruled his death a suicide. Which I actually argued about because his blood alcohol was so incredibly high he could not have made any rational choice to die. He has told me since, through Cecilia (a psychic medium), that it was not intentional. That is why I speak often about accidental suicide. It is a very real thing that no one talks about. He did not want to die; he simply could not find his way out of his darkness. 

I was obviously shattered. I went through all the emotions, some I still can't even name, with both losses. But they have both been with me so openly, very quickly after they passed. They channelled through a soul sister/mentor of mine almost immediately, and they still do. They talk to me very regularly; they send me signs and messages constantly. The one consistent thread is that they love me and are sorry that they had to cause pain to everyone, but there is work they could not do here in the human form they can do through me. They told me "I am the miracle. The reason all 10 kids made it through all the sh*t growing up was me." 

Recently, when I was home visiting my kids and grandkids, I was driving one day, kind of in my head, because it was a hard trip in many ways with lots of stress, drama and chaos happening in duality with the joy and fun of visiting. While driving, I silently asked, "Why did my kids choose such hard, painful lessons in this lifetime?" Almost before I finished the thought, my oldest son responded very loudly and clearly, "Because we chose you, mom. You had us." Then they both smiled at me and took their places on either side of me and said, "Now we've got you, always". 

So, the choice and knowing that I had to help and serve others was a no-brainer. I have always told my kids, "If we can help just one person to not have to go through the pain and bullsh*t we have, then it is all worth it." 

The one thing that I wish I had when I was going through all of this journey of grief was someone who had experienced it themselves. Someone who "got it". Now, I can be that for others. I fully believe that our experiences are chosen before we come to be human, that we choose lessons to learn here, and that we make soul contracts with others to help each other understand what they came here to learn. So, if I did not make myself available to help others, I am 1. Not fulfilling my soul contracts 2. Not honoring my boys' lives and legacies 3. Causing a disservice to those who need someone like me to walk with them for a while. 

Lastly, my boys want me to thrive; they watched me their whole lives in struggle, scarcity and abuse….they want me to live out my soul purpose in abundance and joy. 

You've spoken about grief being a "portal back to your soul." That's incredibly powerful. Can you explain what that means to you and how that concept emerged for you?

It is extremely powerful. If we allow it. Grief is part of life; there are so many levels and types of grief, many that we don’t even realize. I know I didn’t until I was nearly drowning in it. 

This journey through grieving the loss of kids so close together has been transformational. If we choose to lean in and feel it all without resistance, it will show us what is truly important in our lives; It will bring us back to our purpose, our soul contracts and who we came here to become. It has taken me back to past experiences where I really did not grieve; I just pushed through because I did not understand how to process it. 

No one teaches us how to grieve or how to support others in grief. We typically do not even realize that many struggles we have are actually grief. I have been very vocal about grief being a normal part of living; it is “any perceived loss”. So it can be something as simple as leaving a job or as huge as grieving the dreams and potential of what you wanted for your kids as they grew up. 

If we learn that it is a normal but vital process, we can recognize it and allow it to bring us back to our truth. In that mindset, we can also support others with that same compassion rather than expecting them to just “get over it” and move on. There is no right way or timeline for grief. It shows up in moments or waves and needs to be processed.

What do you wish more people understood about raising children who struggle with addiction or mental health issues?

First, your kid is not broken, and neither are you. And we, as parents, make a LOT of mistakes. Kids do not come with an owner’s manual. But we do the best we can with the skills and knowledge we have. 

I did not understand addiction, anxiety, depression, or trauma while my kids were younger. As much as I wish I had, it was not part of our journey then. I was still amid victimhood, domestic abuse and survival. 

Part of my reasons for being so outspoken and disruptive now is because I finally saw what the trauma did to my kids and then passed generationally to my grandson. When I saw those generational patterns and the suffering of my lineage, I had more knowledge and ability to start digging deeper into causes, effects and spiritual healing modalities. 

But there is still the part of this human experience that is each person’s soul path, the parts that only THEY can choose how to live out. We each must choose our own path to knowledge and healing. We all have our agreed lessons to learn here as humans and have soul contracts with others to cause learning. 

I believe that by working with and supporting parents, we can change a whole generation. If parents are modelling how to process their own trauma at the moment, they are teaching those skills to their kids; just like we pass down the trauma responses, we can pass down the healing.

You mentioned grieving for your children long before they passed. How did that long-term grief affect you as a mother?

Quite honestly, I did not even realize that it was grief. I did not fully understand what grief is until this last year. It took losing my boys and realizing that grief is that portal and choosing to lean in and allow myself to feel it all, to let it shatter me so that I could put myself back together. There is a song that I quote often that sums this up, “Broken into Better Shape”. It is like the story of a broken glass or pottery being shattered to create a beautiful mosaic. 

I have allowed the grief of losing my boys to take me back to losing my foster sister when I was 16, losing my dad in 2017, and replaying all the heartaches of loving addicts. It has shown me that we can use the portal of grief to transmute, heal and expand those pieces of ourselves that did not have the skills or knowledge at the time. 

Grief is a normal part of life. It comes from “any perceived loss”. As a parent with kids affected by addiction or mental health issues, we can grieve many things over the years: the dreams and potential we had for them, the relationship with our kids because they may isolate or you may have to set boundaries, so there is a loss of their presence in your life. 

You may grieve the parent that you thought you were or would be; hell, we probably grieve the loss of sleep from worrying about them. There is just so much heartbreak and loss that goes with this journey of addiction and mental health. But there is also joy, love, healing, growth, and expansion, allowing it to strip away everything unimportant in our lives to see what truly is.

There's often a stigma that parents somehow 'failed.' You've said, "It's not our job to save them." What was your journey to realizing that truth?

My initial response is because I raised kids that don't f*cking listen. They were feral as can be. I say that in absolute love because I raised them to be themselves, to question everything. 

But my boys taught me that it was not my job or responsibility to save them. 

My soul sister and mentor, Cecilia Tement, channelled Doug soon after he crossed over. He told me first that he was so sorry for causing so much pain, but he couldn't stay here any longer. Second, he told me, "Mom, YOU are the Miracle. You are the only reason that we made it through all the sh*t we did and kept us all safe." 

James, this kid was an oracle if you paid attention to him. I was so blessed to spend his last six months on earth with him living with me. Granted, it did not always feel like a blessing in the moment, but I am so grateful now. He told me often during this time that I could not live my life around him. That I needed to live my own life and not worry about him. Spoken like a 29 y/o without kids lol. 

He told me this often enough that I finally began to see that he was right; I could not change or prevent anything. He would do whatever he was going to do, no matter what I did or didn't do. I thought that if I kept him close, I would not come home to find him missing or arrested or whatever. All the "what ifs". I tried everything. But I also knew, even trying to save him, that he had to choose it for himself. It was only creating more havoc and suffering for me. 

When he channelled through Cecilia, he also apologized for causing us more pain and grief. And he told me that it was NOT intentional. His accident was ruled as suicide. But the most profound ah-ha moment was when I realized the magnitude of his choosing to be a donor. I don't honestly remember where or what was going on, but I do vividly recall the epiphany - he saved four families from losing their loved ones. Spirit said, "This was his soul purpose." 

We had talked about the irony when he was in the ICU that being hit by a truck in the middle of the night could ONLY damage his head and his brain. The rest of his body was perfectly fine. The brain that was addicted, that had mental health issues and unprocessed trauma. But the rest of him was fine: he donated seven organs, skin, bones, and tissue and then was sent for medical research. He conceivably could benefit hundreds of people's lives. 

So, if he chose me to be his mama, he gave me 29+ years of his crazy self, and he taught me so much in such a short life; who am I to be angry or argue with his soul's purpose to save others?

I could not change their outcomes, soul contracts, or purpose. I could not do anything that could have saved them. This was their journey, lessons, soul contracts, and human experience. 

It was my job to love them, unconditionally. To guide them the best I could. And now, it is my job to honor their lives and legacies by serving and supporting others.

You're brutally honest in saying, 'You couldn't save your kid. You must save yourself.' What does saving yourself look like for you, day to day?

It looks like leaning into the moments and waves of grief as they come. Being open to the lessons and alchemy of transmuting that pain into purpose. It is choosing me and being intentional about my own day-to-day choices, continued healing and expansion, and taking care of my body because if I do not have my physical health, how can I serve others? It is tuning out the judgements of others who lack understanding. It is staying connected to my soul and higher self and following my intuition to align with my purpose.

It also shows how fragile this human is; it makes you love deeper, cherish everything, and stay in my business, not anyone else’s. Grief like this strips away everything that is nonessential. It leaves you with an intense gratitude for everything that is left. 

I am definitely still learning and still human. But my boys do not want me to suffer; they want me to thrive and carry on their legacy on my own.

You've experienced unimaginable loss; what have you learned about grief that you wish every grieving parent could hear?

You are forever changed. You cannot lose a child and not be. It was not your fault. 

They are still with you, just in a different form. They will always be. They do not want you to suffer. They want you to thrive. They want you to find joy, beauty, healing and love through the portal of grief. They want you to come back to your soul.

What's been the hardest part of navigating the aftermath of loss, not just emotionally, but in terms of how the world responds to grieving parents?

I have not experienced as much judgment since they died; most people are compassionate because I lost two kids so close together. But I also have very small, intimate circles. There is a lot of judgement and stigma when they are alive and in active addiction or have mental health issues that cause legal problems or things like that. 

The other part that is more vital is how we react and understand grief. At first, there is much sympathy, messages, calls, donations, etc. But after the funeral, when people stop calling or messaging, when finances are dismal, and you still struggle to function because your life is shattered, THAT is when we need support the most. The world goes on, but ours has stopped, and we can’t just move on. I had amazing circles of support that I KNOW saved me. But I did not have someone who had experienced this type of loss. That is what I can be for other parents. 

We need to teach and model what grief is and how to process it in the moment. So that there is better support. But we also need to educate on trauma, addiction, and mental health issues so that the judgement and bias are lessened. This would lead to better social systems that help and offer real support. The systems failed my boys over and over. Lack of knowledge about trauma, addiction, and mental health did not allow me to be able to model and teach them how to process their trauma before it manifested into diseases.

You're creating a support community and have launched a podcast. What do you hope these spaces will offer to parents and families who feel isolated?

I want people to understand exactly what grief is, that everyone experiences it and that there is support. They are not alone. They are seen. They are not judged. They can survive, thrive, and find joy, beauty, and love in life after loss. 

I also want to disrupt the social norms and stigmas about these topics. I want to educate society so that grief, addiction, and mental health issues are no longer taboo so that we can truly support those families in ways that help. 

You've created an event called The Beautiful F*cking Mess. What can people expect from this experience, and who is it truly for?

The Beautiful F*cking Mess will be a monthly workshop with different subtitles. To share my stories about grief, addiction, mental health and healing. There is also a 30-day Intensive that will be offered 1:1 each month. 

The subtitle for June is “You could not save your kid, why you must save yourself”. These are mostly for parents and families, but truly anyone who wants to understand more about the portal of grief. How to process through it to come back to their soul. We cannot support and help our loved ones if we do not prioritize ourselves first.

What would you say to the parent who's in the thick of guilt, shame, and judgment right now, barely able to breathe through their grief?

I see you. I am you. You are not broken. Your kid is/was not broken. It is not your fault, nor your job to save them. It is your job to save YOU. 

If you could rewrite the narrative around addiction, loss, and parenting in society, what would that new story say?

Trauma and lack of self-love are the causes of addiction, mental health issues, and even physical diseases. If we can teach parents and young adults before they become parents how to process their trauma in the moments, then they would model that to the next generation of children from birth. 

Generational traumas and curses would be broken, and cycles would not be passed on. We would have a generation of children that understand and recognize trauma, emotions and nervous system regulation; they would be able to process it in the moment rather than carry it for years until it creates trauma responses. 

I also believe we can teach children this now, even if the parents are not ready to heal themselves. They would become the reverse model of behavior. Our kids are mirrors of what we need to work on already, so they could mirror.

Your voice is fierce, brave, and deeply honest. What keeps you showing up and sharing so vulnerably, even on the hardest days?

My boys. The rest of my kids, grands, and great-grands are my life, why, and motivation. I have and still am watching the generational trauma destroy my family. 

If I stop showing up, speaking, and sharing my stories, nothing will change, and no one will heal. I chose this path, these lessons, these soul contracts, and my soul's purpose to be a disruptor. 

My Human Design is a 5/1 emotional generator; I came here to disrupt and cause change. I came here to resurrect myself from the ashes and help others do the same. I came here to burn down the broken systems and resurrect those that work. I came to break generational curses and trauma from my lineage so that no more generations have to suffer the same cycles.

For more information you can contact Angelique here.