Imperfection central 101
Today is Saturday.
Today is not the day this email was supposed to land neatly into your inbox, in fact, yesterday at 8:15 am SHARP was when you were supposed to hear from me.
So, the email I was going to send to you is now huffily shelved and I have sat down at 8am on the weekend to talk to you about how it feels when stuff goes wrong.
Imperfection central 101.
I was crazy busy yesterday, it was one of those where you have all-of-the-things-to-do, you know, about 50 hours worth in half a day? So I didn't check my campaign at 8:30 as I usually would, I didn't even check it (shock horror) when I got home in the evening. I checked at midnight.
It hadn't sent. There it was, mocking me for the one day that I didn't religiously check and check again to make you all received it in pristine condition.
My first thoughts? Shit! Why didn't I check? I've ruined it, I always send a Friday She-Mail and my lovely new subscribers will think I'm flaky. It's not like I hadn't written and prepared it either it was THERE! Wah!
About 30 seconds later...
It's just an email. It can go out tomorrow.
Let's just read over that email again before I hit send... Oh... there's a mistake there, and there! What does that even mean? WOW, I'm glad that didn't go out.
The upshot of this inner dialogue was that the email you were supposed to get had a couple of mistakes in it. Nothing major, no big deal but if it HAD gone I would have beaten myself up for that too.
Can we ever win?
If it had sent I would have felt it was wrong, when it didn't send that was also wrong. Do you ever do that?
I think that, as women in particular, the struggle for perfection is real and not just in business it spans across our entire lives. Think about your home, family, finances, friendships, career, partner, physical health, the list is endless and we're all beating ourselves up about something (or all of the things) most of the time.
It's really easily done too, most of it unconscious thought. It just seemingly naturally rumbles around in our heads, undetected until one day (like today for me) we actually look at it for the 'what the actual fuck bullshit' that it is and give ourselves a break. The email didn't send? Ok fine. The email had a spelling error, Oops I'm human!
Learn to laugh off the small stuff, take on board the bigger lesson and allow yourself to be human. You are not defined by these things you can only be defined by what is truly in your heart. The rest is just baubles and dress-ups.
Start looking for what you are great at.
There are so many of you that I see all of the time who are fantastic mothers, beautiful creators, brilliant negotiators, gorgeous body positive influencers, amazing cooks, I could go on and on. Do you even know how amazing you are?
A great trick, when you catch yourself negatively judging your own worth or speaking badly to yourself is to imagine whatever the scenario is happening to your best friend or your son or daughter. Would you say the same thing to them? If not how would you frame it? Would you encourage that person to look for the positive? To laugh it off and hold their hands up to a mistake? Or would you tell them not to bother even trying, that they always manage to spoil everything sooner or later and convince them that they are absolutely unworthy of self-love?
I'm guessing you can't even imagine making someone you love to feel that way, yet we seem to be running a strikingly similar internal dialogue with ourselves. Is it any wonder we feel less than enough sometimes?
Let me be clear. You are enough, exactly as you are today. Without anyone or anything else. If you choose to build upon that, great! If you don't you will always be perfect regardless.
I'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes of all time form one of my favourite shows of all time. Bonus points for those who recognise it...
‘The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that’s just fabulous.’