Letting the light in
Hello from Wales CEO's,
I'm currently away with some of my most favourite humans for a short break and just dropping in amongst the gorgeous scenery of Prestatyn for our Friday catchup, how's your week been?
After last weeks drama-fest, I'm pleased to announce that this week, while crazzyyy busy has been an emotional continuation of the rollercoaster levelling out. I was totally overwhelmed by your responses to my last she-mail, I had so many lovely messages of support and love. Thank you, you gorgeous lot I really am blessed beyond belief to be able to surround myself with such incredible people.
I usually like to talk on Fridays with you about something I've read about, seen or noticed and this week it's about vulnerability. How do you feel about sharing the not-so-good bits with your world?
This translates into all sorts of things, for example, last week I talked about comparing ourselves to perfect Instagram posts, you know the ones; the beautiful bodies, the just-out-of-a-style-magazine homes, the smiling families with not a snotty nose or juice stained jumper in sight. We know they're not real (or not for long at least) but that doesn't stop us staring wistfully at the tiny screen and mentally challenging ourselves. It also goes for what we feel comfortable to share when things get tough, the rougher edges of the life we so carefully curated to the world.
Social media, of course, has played a massive part in what the world thinks and how much of our lives we share that we wouldn't have done before. Would you have taken a picture of your breakfast on a disposable camera, waited 7 days for it to be processed and then gone round to 500 friends to show them your blueberries?
But that's what we do. It's innocent enough, isn't it? But all the while we are painting a picture of our world that before now people wouldn't have seen and when we get comments of 'oh I wish my house looked like that' or 'I wish my partner bought me flowers like those every week' or 'If only my three year old would put his or her toys away like yours do' we have built a picture and while true at the time (mostly, I reckon) it isn't indicative of our everyday experiences.
This is where it becomes difficult to be vulnerable.
When the shit hits the fan, how do we then feel about sharing the tougher side? It takes a huge amount of courage to display vulnerability in a society where perception rules which is why we don't see that much of it. It can often come as a surprise to see a friend or acquaintance who think has a great life, (great job, kids, partner, house, car, whatever) is seemingly suddenly struggling. We don't handle it all that well as a society and I don't think this is always because we don't care enough, I think it scares us more than we'd like to admit.
'OMG if they're struggling and they have it all what about me?' How many times lately have we seen the smiling faces of star-studded celebrities in the media only to be followed tragically with news of a suicide, overdose or breakdown? Or hear the latest shocking statistics about the massive rise in male suicide? It happens.
Mental health lives on the inside. Not in the Instagram happy posts, not in the day to day passing in the street with a smile and a 'How are you?' without waiting for an answer or an automatic 'great! how are you?'
Tragically it's not always preventable, there won't always be an outward sign of the struggles going on inside which is why when we see a post showing vulnerability we need to consider slowing down, If someone is sharing a not so perfect moment would you take the time to react with a kind word or a PM? An offer of a cup of coffee and a chat? It matters. If they're posting about it then they want you to know. I have a bracelet that I acquired years ago from a girl in America using her voice socially to promote a "Be Kind" message and I wear it a lot, if you see me out and about I've usually got it on. It's not like I walk around staring at it and buying strangers coffee (although the coffee thing has been known), it's just a little visual prompt look around now and again to see where I can help out. In fact, it's one of the major reasons for The Community page, we're here to help each other out. If you're struggling with something, ask! We're all in the same boat, just at different distances from the shoreline and believe me it's all bloody scary. Scary to leave the safety of the coast, scary to sail into deeper waters and scary to see the other shoreline in case its the end of the journey but its also scenic, breathtakingly beautiful and the adventure of a lifetime.
As humans, we are more socially connected than ever before and at the same time more spiritually and emotionally disconnected than ever before. It's a weird balance but we can put it straight. I'm not talking about acting as unqualified counsellors, most of us aren't equipt for that but then again most situations don't call for that either. On a bad day, a kind word or an offer of a little bit of help can make all the difference and remember if someone is courageous enough to post about it or to tell you about it then they are willing to break the cycle of so-called perfection. Even though they probably don't know it, they are the warriors leading the charge back to balance and I for one salute them because in their willingness to be vulnerable they are allowing the light in and that's where the healing starts.
Look for the vulnerability behind the stories and be kind. If you're struggling with something then while it may be scary or downright terrifying to show a crack in the life (or business) you've made publically, the crack is where the light comes in and by your courage, you are giving permission to others to do the same. The same 500 people who saw your post about your blueberries are reading you less than perfect posts too and they just might need to hear it. A great friend of mine posted these words this week and they echo around my ears as I sit here and chat with you today so I'll leave you with them (thank you, Dan).
In a world where you can be anything, be kind.
I believe in you,