Admit what you want
Admit what you want. Go ahead...
Are you able to be really honest with yourself? True self-reflection and absolute honesty is the only way you can ever hope to achieve those goals and desires. You'll never get from A to B if you've convinced yourself that A is fine or satisfactory.
Start today. Admit your truest desires. Stop denying what you want. It's not selfish or self-absorbed to want your best life! You are entitled to want whatever you want. No excuses and no apologies.
This is the only route forwards to designing a life that is fully, wonderfully yours. Self-denial is the easier route, for sure. Its comfortable and familiar but you're made for much bigger things than that.
Don't settle. The only way to get what you want is to admit you want it.
I believe in you