By Susan Smalley

Have you found throughout your lifetime your confidence has grown?

Do you, as I do, believe confidence is shaped by the people, experiences, nurturing, love, environment, and inner spirit that grows that confidence - or crushes it, depending on those emotional encounters, physical incidents and mental conflicts or inspirations that impact upon us?

I know this:  Every single one of you are confident Yet because of fear, instilled within, from the mouth or hand of another person, that confidence is destroyed.  Those of you who are lucky to have had encouragement and love and experiences that have allowed you to freely speak, demonstrate and live out that confidence, grow in such a steady pace – building on personal goals, life achievements, absorption of knowledge, love of live, adventure in pursuits of the soul, relationships in harmony with communication respectful, healthy.  A fabulous balance between inner drive and outer achievement.  Public acclaim, family acceptance, enhancement of gifts, discovery of gifts and talents, and pushing through limitations of physical of mental disability.

Little steps in confidences growing all throughout our lifetime, in lots of different ways.

'It is confidence in your own body, mind and spirit that allows us to keep looking for adventures’ - Oprah Winfrey

Building of confidence in others is my number one passion. Whenever someone comes to me with a block, a fear, an obstruction, holding them back from reaching their true purpose, fulfilment, emotional happiness and physical well-being, I firstly embrace them in a cocoon of wonderful chill-out relaxation. Peace all around them… letting go of outer issues, stepping way from the everyday world into a sanctuary of calm and acceptance. Non judgement, non- pressure, but encouragement gently, and if needed, nudging them with flowing questions for them to address, and in talking through their dilemmas, in therapy of recognition, release and rebirth occurs. It never ceases to amaze me, how many of my clients indicate their current relationship, money, family, or work scenarios are deeply determined by the underlying knock of confidence someone else inflicted upon them during their early years.

Ever since childhood, I had inside a feeling which spoke about being of service, helping others, freeing them of pain and suffering, and throughout my teenage years, friends at school would often come and spend time with me, to help them to feel better.  I was always smiling, upbeat and loved helping others to believe in themselves.  One friend I hadn't seen for years, I met last year.  She shared that "everytime I had problems at home Susan, I would jump on the bus, and carry my worry about my mam's health, or boyfriend trouble, to your village.  I remember, coming to call at your house for you, linking tightly, then off we would go, walking around the streets as you listened, shared your friendly advice, humour and non-judgement, and I would go home feeling much better.  You were always smiling an and laughing and you were a breath of fresh air, just when I really needed it."   

We hadn't seen each other for over forty years.  Wow!  that is quite an impression to have left upon someone in all this time.  So yes, I do believe in you, and I do believe you need not be afraid of becoming who you truly feel you want to be.   I knew that I loved helping people from that early start in life. I knew with words, spoken, or written down in a letter to a friend, that I could bring a smile to their face.  I connected, and reach right inside of them, to help draw from them, and allow them to see, their ultimate potential.  The fire of passion within them.  A warmth of glow inside and all around them.  To connect to their heart and soul.

What is the fire within your heart?

Some of you, or those you know, may exhibit confidence in a very loud, bold way!   Showing no fear whatsoever!   You equally may be, or know, those who are quietly confident.  Having a more graceful, silent yet unwavering confidence within them.  Self-confidence is something instilled within our children in those crucial early years, and then expansion of that throughout school years, before entering into the wide world of adulthood and all of Its demands and expectations.   It can be crushing.  Especially if you haven’t had that nurturing, money to experience, or opportunities to shine.  Always connect to the passion within you, follow your instinct, trust in the process.   Never be afraid to show your authentic power, your personality will be expressed exactly as you want to be showing up in your life.   Confidence and Happiness go hand in hand, confidence brings happiness, happiness grows confidence.

Who tried to steal your ideas?  What are your gifts?

No one can take those gifts and ideas away from you.  There were born from out of you.  They belong to only those you decide to share them with.

You have control over how you react to those around you.

Have you previously been overlooked?   Outshone?  Overstepped?   Has someone stolen your confidence?  -knocked you down emotionally?  - criticised your ability?

Has anyone ever said to you "you're getting too big for your boots!"?    Have you been stopped from excelling due to someone's jealousy?   Do you feel you have never been given the chance to succeed?

I had always been a quiet, painfully shy child.  Even in teenage years, very private, quiet and only opened up to those I trusted.  I had that trust shattered as a child.. and had to propel myself up and onward throughout my early years, not from stimulation from others, but by inner drive and determination.  Building upon my own personal goals in small steps and then larger steps, each and every time, growing further and further confidence, through experience of doing.  Confidence is alive and free and flowing.  It needs to be expressed.  It cannot be caged nor restricted.  It has every right to express itself.  You have every right to own your confidence, recognise your worth, shine in your inner power and inspire others to do the same.  We all get nervous, have that super rush of adrenalin, feel nauseas, look pale, shake, perspire, or just dry up...  it is all nerves, and learning how to recognise then use that energy to propel you into stature of composure, allows for personal delivery, completion, achievement!   I know how it feels for you right now, as you rapidly examine how you feel about yourself. 

Where is your confidence level?

Are you super confident?  A super achiever, a fantastic sportsperson, entrepreneur, speaker, teacher, coach; an artist, performer, screen star, or adventurer?   Have you always been so, or did you have to work at it.

Recently I ran a five day confidence challenge for those who wished to grow their confidence.  Both sexes responded in very interesting ways.  It was a joy to read the insights into their own confidence highs and lows, dependent on the circumstances.   I devised a daily prompt for each of them, from which they explored their confidence levels in certain life situations and they loved it.  The feedback was immense.   Feedback which I shall share with you in my book publication at the end of the year.

In the meantime, I thought you would like to partake in a snippet of the challenge yourself  -  please do answer the prompts instantly, and send your responses to me via my email address   - all responses are confidential and will never be shared with a third party.   I know how much you will love this little questionnaire, and perhaps you may have actually be in similar situations so can speak from real personal experience.

Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained - Marie Curie

Would you say you lack confidence?  Do you feel confident in certain areas of your ability?  Is this due to knowledge?  How do you build your self-belief?  Where are you needing a boost of confidence?  Has someone told you it is wrong to be too confident?   Are you quietly confident?  Do you know for sure you are super confident?   Do you feel you play down your confidence in yourself in order to ‘fit into’ your friendship circle/work environment?  Have you been wrongly accused of being arrogant?   Are you afraid to let your confidence shine?

Does super confidence generally indicate an inflated ego?  Arrogance?

How does it feel to be labelled arrogant?

Has someone ever told you that you have no confidence?   How did that make you feel?

If you wish to work through these today, and be as honest as you can be, then send to me, I shall respond to you with feedback, tips and suggestions for you to help you through the difficulties you may be encountering

Lets begin:

You have been asked to deliver a speech at a family gathering.

Do you:

  • Jump at the chance?  You love being the centre of attention?

  • Write down and rewrite and destroy and rewrite and scrumple up then rewrite, your speech?

  • Know you speak from the heart without notes?

  • Decline?

  • Accept but turn yourself inside out worrying for days and staying awake most of the night prior?

  • Confidently express with a professional delivery?

  • You are the joker of the family, so yes please!  You love uplifting others?

There is a crisis in a packed restaurant where you are dining.  Everyone is thrown into panic.

Do you:

  • Remain seated, shaking and hoping someone will come to everyone’s rescue?

  • Stand and attempt to keep everyone calm?

  • Shout instruction across to another person to get up and take control of the situation?

  • Ask for the manager, then make enquiry as to what is happening?

  • Grab your phone to live video and transmit the whole scenario on social media?

  • Panic, shaking in your seat?

  • Run out the door to safety?

  • Jump onto the table to draw everyone’s attention and direct everyone to safety?

  • You know exactly what to do in a crisis, because you are professionally trained?

On the way to an event, where you are to receive an award, there is a downpour and your hair, and clothing are completely drenched, ruined and you have three minutes to step onto the stage to receive your scheduled award.  No flexibility with timings, as there are others waiting too and the whole evening is being filmed for a documentary.  

Do you?

  • Wear a smile and forget about how you look?

  • Dive beneath a hand dryer in the toilets?

  • Wrap a scarf around your head, grab someone’s hat and dark shades?

  • Shrivel up inside and cry?

  • Stride out across the stage with such pride, knowing it doesn’t matter how you look?

  • Laugh and fold over on stage when all the audience laugh back at you?

  • Make excuses the moment you step out into the limelight, about your appearance?

  • Run onto the stage, grab the award and run off?

  • Turn around and leave, without your award?

  • Refuse to enter the stage and send someone else to accept it on your behalf?


I send you love and healing and hold you in thought for improved confidence plus lots of happiness!

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My name is Susan Smalley and I am a life discovery coach and mentor.

I'm thrilled to be here and cannot wait to get to know you better. My passion from a very young age has been for all things spiritual, from healing and crystals to meditation to one to one coaching, reiki, tuition, and mediumship. I am passionate about intuitive guidance, whether that be in relationships, work, business, family dynamics, health,  heightening life demands, lack of focus or a drop in self-esteem, supporting you in transforming any of your restrictions to raise your self-confidence and align you again with the true purpose of your soul. Feel free to connect with me over in The Community or on my Spiritual Sofa on Facebook. You can also visit my website or drop me a line at